Hamilton Herald Masthead


Front Page - Friday, November 21, 2014

Are We There Yet?

Jay Edwards

There’s too much information these days. Or maybe it’s just the wrong information. I know – it’s too much of the wrong information. And when I say wrong, I don’t mean incorrect; I mean stuff we’d all be better off not hearing about in the first place.

As Rose Castorini said to Johnny Cammareri in “Moonstruck” when she asked him why men chase women, and he answered, “I don’t know. Maybe because he fears death.”

“That’s it!” Rose yelled, vindicated because that was her theory, too.

It’s one of our favorite movies. As is “Scrooge,” the 1951 version starring Alistair Sim. I actually like all the versions of “A Christmas Carol,” even the one with Mr. Magoo; but not KM, for her, it’s 1951 or nothing.

We watched it again last night. It didn’t feel too early in the season, probably because it’s been so cold already. When it ended, KM went upstairs with her book. I channel-surfed, stopping on, “The Gunfighter,” starring Gregory Peck as Jimmy Ringo, another classic which I’ve also seen many times. I only meant to watch a few minutes of it, but finally turned it off after the last scene with Ringo’s specter silhouette riding across the night desert. Great stuff.

But back to that opening remark about information; I suppose it’s interesting that Charlie Manson is engaged to a young woman who’s somewhat younger than he is – 54 years to be exact. Manson just turned 80 this month and is marrying a woman named Star. The way I got this small bit of too much wrong information was, as usual, from friend Fred of Fayetteville. He called while waiting, in the waiting room, at his doc’s office for his annual something or other. (See, that’s how you deftly avoid giving out too much of the wrong information – you just shut up about it. Facebook people, I’m not targeting you here, but then again ... )

Fred began, “Well, it’s happened again.”


“Chuck is getting married.”

“Chuck who?” I asked, already wincing a little.

“Chuck Manson.”

“Ohhh, Charlie.”

“Yeah, he’s getting married. All these lifers have great social lives, and I can’t even get a date.”

“Take Damien Echols, he got engaged while in prison. And that Van Der Sloot guy, who’s been convicted of one murder and is going to be extradited when he gets out in 28 years for another one, got married back in July.”


“Yes, can you believe it? And there are more. Remember the Menendez brothers, Lyle and Erik?” 

“Vaguely. They’re married too?”

“Well, Erik is. His wife is named Tammi. She’s even written a book about their life together called, ‘They Said We’d Never Make It.’ She wrote, ‘I just came to the conclusion that I never wanted to be without Erik.’ Never be without him? Hey, Tammi! You’re never with the guy! He’s in prison!”

“You’re shouting, bud,” I said.

“And I can’t even get a date,” Fred repeated.

“Well,” I said, trying to come up with something, “Maybe it’s that guys serving life sentences have a certain aura, which the rest of us non-incarcerated types don’t. Remember that ‘Seinfeld’ episode when George was dating the girl in prison, and how attracted he was to her? But when she escaped, there was something missing. Maybe it has something to do with the unattainable that we as humans just can’t resist.”

“I don’t know what it is,” Fred sighed. “But if that’s it, then Chuck probably doesn’t need to worry about ever losing the magic.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”

Jay Edwards is editor-in-chief of the Hamilton County Herald and an award-winning columnist. Contact him at jedwards@dailydata.com