Hamilton Herald Masthead


Front Page - Friday, February 2, 2024

Single, satisfied and self-empowered: Bring on the Valentine’s Day hype

For some people, being single is awesome; for others, it’s not. Feelings of being inadequate or unlovable can creep in and undermine your otherwise confident self.

Whether you’re newly single or have been single for years, there are ways to quiet the negative self-talk and feel empowered by being a party of one.

Certain times of the year can be more challenging for single people. Whether it’s a holiday or a day that’s important to you, you might find yourself wanting to share it with someone special. However, it’s important to remember that comparison is the thief of joy, and not being in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re undesirable.

There are many ways to embrace being single that can help put this into perspective.

“Humans have two basic needs that must be met in order for them to be functioning and happy – a feeling of belonging and a feeling of significance,” says Deirdre Guilloton, a licensed marriage and family therapist at Centerstone. “And that looks different for everyone.”

As long as something is meeting those two basic needs, it doesn’t matter if it’s a romantic partner or not. Either way, a solid understanding of what it means to be single versus alone is important.

“It all comes from a sense of self-confidence,” Guilloton says. “We need to love ourselves first.”

What we crave most as humans is community and connection, so finding like-minded people with shared interests is a great way to build community and decrease feelings of loneliness. When you build connections with people who add value to your life, it can emphasize that a platonic connection can be just as real and valuable as a romantic one.

If you’re single and feel like there’s a void in your life, Guilloton suggests exploring your values based on why you feel the way you do. So, if you’re able to identify why you feel ‘less than’ for being single, you can use that as a tool to learn more about yourself.

Feeling a void can stem from your values. Maybe you were raised to believe you needed a relationship to be complete and happy, and that happiness isn’t something you could achieve on your own.

If you find yourself feeling like something is missing, consider focusing on what you do have. Instead of “I need to find my other half to complete me,” try “I’m a complete person who’s looking for someone to add value to my already whole life.”

Feeling fulfilled as a single person is all about your perspective and mindset. Although these can be hard to change, it’s important to remember you’re loved, complete and enough.

If you find yourself working through feelings of loneliness, Centerstone can help. To learn more, call us at 877 467-3123.