I get posts from Internet news media company Buzzfeed on my Facebook page. Usually, it’s a video, but the other morning, it was a list from writer Elysia McMahan she called, “Top 15 Names of Crazy Women.”
So I thought I’d run with it – after running it by KM. Our conversation went something like this:
“There’s a story about the most common names for crazy women I thought I’d write about in my column next week.”
“Hmmm,” she said, which usually means, “I wouldn’t.”
“I was thinking I’d reminisce about names of girls I might have known who were crazy.”
“You are crazy if you write about that.”
“Bad idea huh?”
“Sigh.”
KM can say more with a “hmmm” and a “sigh” than a car salesman in the legislature.
However, I did not heed her voice of reason, so here is the list. But first, as Bill Clinton would probably say, it depends on what your definition of crazy is. Webster’s has it as either: 1) mentally deranged, demented, insane; or 2) intensely enthusiastic, passionately excited: as in “he was crazy about crazy women.”
For danger’s sake, let’s go with the first definition. First on the list is Ashley. Of the Ashley’s I’ve known and know, I can think of none who qualify. Next is Shannon – I racked my brain and could not come up with one girl I’ve ever known named Shannon. Melissa is third – as in “Sweet Melissa”; how can that be a crazy? 4. Allison – No reference here, either. 5. Rebecca – I know some Rebecca’s, and love them both. There’s also Joan Fontaine, who was not “Rebecca.” She was actually the second Mrs. de Winter, and her name was never told. Rebecca was the first Mrs. de Winter. But the real crazy lady in this classic Hitchcock film was Mrs. Danvers. 6. Mary – There was Mary I, Queen of England, who was nicknamed “Bloody Mary” for her mass executions of Protestants. As a Methodist, I think that qualifies her. Another was Honest Abe’s wife, Mary Todd; also Mary Brunner, who hung out with Chuck Manson; and Mary Shelly, who wrote a good story about a crazy doctor named Victor. 7. Christina – My favorite Christina is the Ricci lass, who played Wednesday, the least crazy of all the Addams. 8. Kelly – My daughter’s best friend, who’s not crazy at all. And speaking of my daughter, the name Alexis is absent from the list. I named her because I liked the nickname Alex, which I got from Glen Close’s character in “Fatal Attraction,” the queen of crazy. 9. Victoria – I know no Victoria’s. 10. Stephanie – Let’s see, there was Princess Stephanie of Monaco, but we never hung out. 11. Tiffany – The bride of Chucky. 12. Elizabeth – Another “Queen” name. Surely one of them was a little off. 13. Lindsey – The only one I could come up with was Lindsey Buckingham, the Fleetwood Mac guitarist who got pretty crazy on some of those riffs. But he’s a dude. 14. Andrea – There was Andrea Jaeger, who used to act crazy when she lost a tough point on the tennis court. Last, at number 15, is Heather – There was the child actress, Heather O’Rourke, who starred as Carol Anne Freeling in “Poltergeist,” the movie with the crazy clown under the bed.
Also missing from this list is KM, aka Kathleen Marie, not Krazy Marie as some of you more seasoned readers probably assumed.
So that’s it. Sometime in the future, I’ll try and give equal time to the guys. I wonder if Jay is on the list... As in, “You’re crazy if you write that.”
Jay Edwards is editor-in-chief of the Hamilton County Herald and an award-winning columnist. Contact him at jedwards@dailydata.com.