Editorial
Front Page - Friday, January 21, 2011
The Critic's Corner
“Season of the Witch”
David Laprad
Ah, January. The annual dumping ground for awful movies. Many of the releases that hit theaters during the month have been delayed for years as the studios responsible for their creation tried to figure out what to do with a product so bad, it would be an embarrassment to any person or company associated with it. Such was the case with the leader in this year’s procession of putridity, “Season of the Witch,” a movie so goofy and amateurish, all I could do was marvel at how it could have ever been made.
Picture a 12-year-old with a video camera. He loves old-fashioned horror movies – the kind with witches, werewolves, demons, castles and dark woods – so he decides to make one of his own. He pounds out a script, puts together some cheap costumes and casts his friends in the roles.
Now imagine the kind of dialogue this adolescent would write and the manner in which his pals would deliver it. Lines like “I serve the Church no more,” and “We have crossed land and desert, and seen things few men have seen,” probably sounded good on paper, but when his friends spoke them on camera, they came out awkward and stiff.
Welcome to the experience of watching “Season of the Witch,” a movie that does nothing right and finds new things to do wrong.
The story sounds like it might offer some scary fun. Set during the 14 century, the film follows Behmen, a knight who wields justice against evil in the name of the Church. When Behmen kills a young woman during a siege, he feels a pang of guilt and abandons ship along with his friend, Felmen.
As they scour the countryside for food and shelter, they come across a town mired in a deadly plague. The local church believes a witch in its dungeon is responsible for spreading the pestilence across the land, killing tens of thousands of people. In exchange for not hanging Behmen and Felmen for going AWOL, they offer the two knights a chance to escort the lady to a distant town, where the local priests will read from a book that can break the curse.
So far, so good, and “Season of the Witch” has a few effective moments as it sets up its storyline. The opening scene, in which a priest hangs three women the church has accused of being witches, but fails to ensure all of them stay dead, is the best part of the movie.
The movie goes downhill from there and never bothers to try to climb back up again. The blame lies on two sets of shoulders, both of which were embodied in the fictional 12-year-old I mentioned earlier in this review: director Dominic Sena and writer Bragi Schut.
I’ll begin with Sena, who’s directed a few hits, including “Gone in Sixty Seconds” and “Swordfish.” Here, he proves what I suspected all along: he has no idea where to put his camera or what to do with it, or where to put his actors or what to do with them. He also lacks visual invention, as “Season of the Witch” doesn’t contain a single interesting shot.
Sena shares responsibility for how badly the movie turned out with Schut, whose script is dripping with cheese. I kept thinking, “Surely the actors complained about these lines!” Their monotone delivery suggests they either fought that battle and lost or didn’t care.
I believe the latter is true. Nicolas Cage, who stars as Behmen, all but said as much during an interview in which he admitted to taking the role for the paycheck. Ron Pearlman, who plays Hellboy and was the Beast in the “Beauty and the Beast” television series, must have signed on for the money, too, because his performance is just as dull. There’s no arguing Cage is one of this generation’s best actors, so it’s depressing to see him acting badly in movies like “Season of the Witch.”
Beyond these issues, the script is riddled with unsound logic. For example – and this is a spoiler, so skip this paragraph if you plan to see this movie – the girl is actually possessed by a demon who can transform into a winged creature. During the final battle, he thanks Behmen for bringing him to the town, as it will allow him to destroy the book that can break his curse. He’s a demon that can manifest as a winged creature, but he needs medieval transportation to get from town to town?
The whole thing is ridiculous. As the pitiful band made its away to the town, shrinking in numbers as it crossed a rickety rope bridge and encountered CGI wolves, I kept thinking about the many wonderful movies that came out in December, and how most of them are still in theaters.
Email David Laprad at dlaprad@hamiltoncountyherald.com.
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