The winner of the Coolest Thing Made in Tennessee contest has been announced, and it is (imagine a drumroll here) the Nissan Rogue.
It’s an SUV, made at the Nissan plant in Smyrna. Which leaves me thinking that my definition of “coolest” must be different from some other folks’.
No disrespect to the Rogue, which Nissan describes in ad-agency speak as “a mid-size crossover with a big appetite for adventure.” It also notes the Rogue is “one of Consumer Reports’ Recommended SUVs of 2024,” and that’s certainly a good thing.
Then again, Consumer Reports recommends 155 SUVs, and the Rogue’s overall score, 70, sits unremarkably near the middle of the range given in the category. It gets a 3 out of 5 for predicted reliability and a 2 out of 5 for predicted owner satisfaction. So there’s that.
Besides, in my experience, one SUV looks pretty much like another, and I wouldn’t describe any of them as cool. Practical would seem to be a better adjective, the kind of vehicles seen parked at youth soccer games. A Mini Cooper, now that’s a cool car. Or a Jaguar, one of the old models that still has the leaping, snarling hood ornament. Seriously cool.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me back up. The Tennessee Chamber of Commerce and the Tennessee Manufacturers Association, among other groups, sponsored what they called this “light-hearted competition.” I hereby offer a light-hearted critique.
What struck me was the sheer number of made-in-Tennessee items submitted. There were more than 120, representing “Tennessee’s rich tapestry of creativity and craftsmanship,” as the news release announcing the winner put it.
Among the entries were some of the usual made-in-Tennessee suspects: Little Debbie’s snacks, Moon Pies and Lodge Cast Iron Skillets. Booze was represented by Jack Daniel’s, George Dickel, Nelson’s Green Brier and Borchetta Bourbon, which I haven’t tried but probably should. None of these finished even in the Top 8, with 75,000 votes cast by the public.
I’m also puzzled by some familiar products that are missing. One is Nashville’s own Goo Goo Clusters, billed by the company as “America’s first combination candy bar.” I’m not a big fan – the marshmallow nougat is off putting – but still, lots of people like it. It ought to at least be considered a Moon Pie peer.
And what about Hatch Show Prints, “woven into the fabric of Music City and beyond,” as the company website puts it. I think it would have been a strong contender.
Other no-shows include Bush’s Beans, of which I am a fan, and Christie Cookies, another personal favorite. And what about Martha White flour? I can’t think of it without thinking of Tennessee Ernie Ford. It originated in Nashville. Is it still made in the state?
The far larger group consisted of products most people not only wouldn’t know were made in Tennessee, but probably wouldn’t know were made anywhere. Like Commutator and Slip Rings, Composite LH2 Tank and Polysilicon. Mysteries, all.
And then there’s the firearm category, which includes ammunition, AR-15 components and an M&P9 TN Limited Edition Pistol.
Another puzzler in that category is the Model 1841 6-Pounder Field Gun. It’s a cannon that hasn’t been used since the Civil War, but I gather the Clarksville Foundry Inc. makes replica models. Maybe reenactors use them. I don’t know.
Conspicuously absent from the list is the Barrett M82 sniper rifle, Tennessee’s official state rifle, made near Murfreesboro. I am not disappointed by that fact and would have preferred seeing no firearm-related items.
Conspicuously present was the Human Bone Grinder, attributed to the Southern Tool Company. I can’t find any mention of the product on the company’s website, which seems odd, as does its existence.
I’ve looked over the list of entries several times trying to find something I could get behind – Allegro Marinade? Equine Therapy Spa? HTH Calcium Hypochlorite? – but couldn’t work up much enthusiasm.
What’s needed is at least one Tennessee beer. There were 152 craft breweries in the state last year, the Brewers Association reports. I know from personal research that some of them turn out tasty products. If the contest returns next year, maybe at least one of them will enter.
I’d drink to that.
Joe Rogers is a former writer for The Tennessean and editor for The New York Times. He is retired and living in Nashville. He can be reached at jrogink@gmail.com