Editorial
Front Page - Friday, August 6, 2010
Are we there yet?
Last words and a letter
Jay Edwards
“I should have never switched from scotch to martinis.”
– Last words of Humphrey Bogart
Thanks to good friend J. Mark Davis sending me an e-mail about people’s words just before their final breath. These are from a column by Alex Moisi.
First there is comedian Steven Wright, who said that he wished his first word ever spoken had been “Quote,” and the last, “Unquote.”
• Then there was Voltaire, who was asked by a priest on his deathbed to renounce Satan. There are discrepancies about the old philosophers last words but most say his reply to the priest’s request was, “This is no time to make new enemies.”
• The last man to be sentenced to death in the state of Oklahoma was also the only person in the entire country, in 1966, to get the electric chair. James D. French had actually received an original sentence of life for his crime, but after he killed his cellmate he was scheduled for the death penalty. When asked if he had anything to say before the harsh judgement was carried out he replied, “How’s this for a headline – ‘French Fries.’”
• A few years ago I was on my way from Chattanooga to Little Rock when I decided to take a detour over to Lynchburg, Tennessee and tour the Jack Daniels Distillery; a three-hour delay I much enjoyed. But one thing they didn’t tell us that day were the last words of their founder, who died one morning from blood poisoning in 1911.
The infection allegedly began in a toe, which Daniel injured by kicking his safe in anger when he could not get it open early one morning at work — he had always had trouble remembering the combination. His final words were “One last drink, please.”
• You may not remember him by name but millions of people have been entertained by the creations of Mr. Charles J. Gussman, who brought the world many of those old time radio serials like “The Road of Life,” “The Right to Happiness” and “Young Doctor Malone.” All three were among the top-rated programs of the early 1950’s, when daytime soap operas, usually 15 minutes long and named for the soap companies that sponsored them, attracted far more listeners than nighttime dramas. Later Gussman would move to television where he wrote for shows, “Days of Our Lives” and “Gilligan’s Island.” He died ten years ago at the age of 87, leaving behind the last phrase, “... and now for a final word from our sponsor ...”
• Finally, it was Paris’ daddy, Conrad Hilton, who left the world with some profound wisdom when he advised, “Leave the shower curtain on the inside of the tub.”
•••
Thanks to my friend Arthur Murphey, of the UALR Bowen School of Law Emeritus Faculty, for reading and responding to my recent column that looked forward to the first day of fall. I get so few letters from readers that you can imagine my excitement. I don’t think he would mind if I shared his remarks with you.
“Dear Jay,
I read with interest the statement in your column that there are just 73 days until the first day of fall. It reminded me of an incident that occurred in the summer about 32 years ago, when I was asked by a new faculty member from the upper latitudes (a Yankee, that is, and a native of New York or Massachusetts as I recall) when fall came “in these parts.” I laid it out as follows: If he was referring to the equinox, the so-called official day, that would be September 22, the same as in other places. If he had a child in school and was looking to registration and the end of summer vacation that would be about the second week of August. (I think some swimming pools close then.) If he was a holiday type person, fall began the day after Labor Day in September. (The English have their last fling on what is called the August Bank Holiday.) If he was a sports fan, the first game of the “Fall Football Program” might be the last Saturday in August. But if, as I suspected, he was asking how much longer would he have to endure the summer heat, it would probably be the middle of October.
How much of this do you think is still true?
Sincerely,
Artie Murphey”
Well Mr. Artie I think most of it is still true. Thanks for the letter.
(The last letter I re-ceived before this one was from LR Zoo Director Michael Blakely, who explained in a firm but courteous way how wrong I was for wanting to free Ellen the elephant. Mr. Blakely’s letter was also printed in this
publication)
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