"The Expendables 2” is 102 minutes of eighties action stars having fun making a movie together. If you can enjoy it for what it is, then their good time in front of the camera will translate into your good time in the theater. I’m a sucker for nostalgia and big explosions, so I had a great time.
How could you not like a movie in which Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme share the screen – and attract more tickets sales on opening weekend than they did when they were in their prime?
Yes, Stallone looks 66 years old, but so what? Before you make fun of the guy for still passing himself off as an action hero, see “Expendables 2” and then decide whether or not you’d be comfortable going toe-to-toe with him in a boxing ring. Sure, the magic of movies can make anyone look tough, but those muscles are real. Besides, he and Schwarzenegger beat audiences to the punch with several gags about being over the hill.
One of my favorite parts of “The Expendables 2” is the one-liners, quips for which Stallone and Schwarzenegger became famous in the ‘80s. After turning a bad buy into Swiss cheese, Stallone fires one last bullet: “Rest in pieces!” Sure, it’s on the nose, but that’s the point. Nothing about the ‘80s was understated or witty; instead, they went for the obvious jokes - good or bad.
I also liked the actors’ references to their former hits. Some are obvious, like Schwarzenegger’s character, Trench, repeatedly saying “I’ll be back.” Willis’ character, Mr. Church, gets fed up with this and says, “You’ve been back enough! This time, I’ll be back!” To which Schwarzenegger replies, “Yippee ki yay,” referencing the second most famous one-liner in movie history.
Other references are more subtle. I smiled when Van Damme nearly knocks out Stallone’s character, Barney Ross, at the beginning of their big fight and said, “What? That’s it? Get up! I want my money’s worth!” I liked that sly allusion to Rocky better than I did the Rambo reference, although I did laugh when Schwarzenegger said, “Who’s coming next? Rambo?”
I also liked how Stallone, who co-wrote the screenplay, used Chuck Norris in a couple of brief appearances. You’d have to be living under a rock to have not heard at least a few Norris jokes (“When the Boogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks his closet for Church Norris”), and Stallone created a character for Norris that feeds off of his notoriety. The scene in which the Lone Wolf makes his presence known for the first time is one of the most memorable in the movie.
One thing I could have done without was the tendency of director Simon West to have dozens of bad guys fire automatic weapons at the heroes and, with the exception of hitting Stallone in the arm, miss every time. Some ‘80s clichés need to be buried and never exhumed.
Although storyline isn’t the point of the movie, Stallone crafted a moderately interesting one for the second “Expendables.” After rescuing a Chinese billionaire in the opening scene, Ross and company accept a mission from Church to retrieve an item from an airplane shot down in Albania. Once they secure the object, which contains a blueprint of a mine in which the Soviet Union stored plutonium, a group of bad guys led by Van Damme’s character, Jean Vilain, forces them to turn it over.
In a tribute to ‘80s action movie mistakes, Vilain doesn’t kill Ross’ team, and therefore must spend the rest of the movie fighting them off. With the exception of Hans Gruber, bad guys in the ‘80s weren’t too smart.
One critic moaned that while “The Expendables 2” was a throwback to the action movies of the ‘80s, it wasn’t a throwback to the good action movies of the ‘80s. He’s right, but you can’t capture of the freshness of “Die Hard,” “Lethal Weapon” and “The Terminator” in a tribute. However, you can have fun reliving your glory days and hope audiences will get on board for the ride. I did, and all I can say is, “Bring on Expendables 3.”
Rated R for bloody violence. Three stars out of four. Email David Laprad at dlaprad@hamiltoncountyherald.com.