Note to the reader: The original version of this column ran five years ago. I actually wrote almost the exact same column again last week and didn’t realize it until I pulled up this column by accident when I went to send it to the editor. I’ve tweaked it just to update some of the facts. The things I said were true then and they are true now. You may also notice that my columns have gotten a lot shorter over the last five years.
I first saw her at a party we had at a house I shared with six fraternity brothers. We would acquire a couple of large strips of steak and a keg of beer. We would cook the steaks and invite others to bring side dishes. It was quite sophisticated. I remember SHE was at the table, and some of us were playing a game with quarters. SHE told everyone the steak made her sick and SHE left.
I saw her homecoming night. My date had dumped me to play Pictionary with some of her high school friends, and I was out with the boys. We were at the Pike house, and one of us asked the other to dance. Her date came to pick her up and SHE danced a couple more songs with me. After SHE left, I realized I didn’t remember her name.
For the next couple of weeks, I asked around about her, but all I could remember was SHE had dark hair and was wearing red. That description failed to lead me to her. I came home from boxing practice one night and SHE had come over with a couple of friends and was sitting in my living room. I thought it was her, but I wasn’t sure. They were going out, but I declined. After SHE left, I told my roommate I thought that was the girl I was looking for from homecoming. He told me I was crazy.
A week later, I was purchasing a couple of beers at a bar commonly known as Mardis Gras when I ran into her. We spoke and I acknowledged that I’d been looking for her. SHE told me SHE knew I had been. Her and her friends thought it was funny.
Our first official date was a trip to Tulsa on a Sunday night. It was a double date and SHE was more than a bit surprised when I told her where we were going. We went over to a friend’s house in a huge apartment complex. I wasn’t sure where he lived, so we had to walk around and look for his car and ask strangers for guidance. We finally found him. We went to a bar and played pool. I got her home in the morning in time to get to her first class. I was a little late for work. You see, I was taking a year off from school at the time.
I was set to meet her parents over the Christmas break when our plans changed due to an altercation I had with a bouncer that put me in the hospital with a broken jaw. Believe it or not, it wasn’t my fault. That’s the Gospel. I was on a liquid diet when I met her parents, who still think I broke my jaw in a car wreck. That was easy for them to believe, as I later had two accidents in her vehicle while we were dating. Only one was my fault. SHE had to bail me out of jail that particular time, as I had a ticket I’d forgotten to pay.
We were together the better part of two years when SHE was nearing graduation. By this time, the lawsuit over the bouncer attacking me was over, and although we’d blown most of the settlement money, I had just enough money to buy a wedding ring. SHE had offers to go to to law schools around the country, but I decided I would make my play. I took her on a train ride and asked her to marry me. SHE said yes. Her parents were less than amused.
After graduation and many calls back to Osceola, SHE asked me if I wanted to get married that summer. Her mother didn’t like the way things were going, and a summer marriage would minimize her ability to gripe. I hadn’t really considered getting married that quickly, but how could I say no?
The night before our wedding, my friends and I were in a little scuffle with some local ruffians. SHE was bitter, to put it mildly. The Best Man had a little cut on his hand and I had a little scratch on my face. You should have seen the other guys. SHE didn’t find out about all of this until right before the wedding ceremony. SHE was hot. Her mother literally tried to get her to leave out the back door. I was not sure SHE was going to make it through the ceremony. The reception went great. It’s a funny story now. Then, not so funny.
I was two years from my eventual graduation when we were married, so SHE had to take a job at a bank in customer service. She made a little more than minimum wage. In 18 short months, SHE had worked her way up into an officer position. SHE had become the youngest officer in that particular bank’s history. For the first year of our marriage, I was working about 20 hours a week and blowing about half my check each week before SHE could get hold of me.
Finally, I took a job at the TYSON entree plant, were I was forced to work a real job like the kind you have to work if you don’t have a college degree. It improved my study habits immensely. I pulled my head out of the dirt the last two years of school and somehow convinced the folks at the UALR law school to take a chance on a boy from Bentonville. SHE gave up yet another year of law school so I could go ahead and start. We were afraid UALR might not make the same mistake again if I waited.
We loaded up and moved to Little Rock. SHE was forced to take a minimal job at the AFCU Credit Union in Jacksonville while I enjoyed the first year of law school. I worked for a month in the library and almost had a break down. Too much pressure for Billy. Meanwhile, SHE was working 12 hours a day.
We got her into law school the next year ,and I somehow convinced Phil Kaplan to give me a job as a law clerk. (Actually, I convinced Joanne Maxey to give me the job, but I know Phil likes when I mention his name in conjunction with mine.) Of course, SHE was working part time for one bank and clerking on the side for Bill Sherman and Jeff Pence.
We learned SHE was pregnant before SHE started her second year. SHE clerked at the Friday firm while the baby percolated inside. SHE gave birth to our first son a week before finals. Over the summer, SHE took care of the house and William while I studied for the bar exam. I also played a lot of golf.
SHE wanted me to get a job. I told her I thought I should hang a shingle. SHE begged me to get a job. Finally, in classic form, SHE supported my decision and helped me start the James Law Firm. SHE went to school, worked almost full time at Eagle Bank, and ran the business end of the JLF.
Before long came our second son, Trevor. One year and seven days later, Blair was born. By this time, SHE had joined the JLF and was building a successful domestic relations practice while handling the business end of what had become a four-person firm.
Over the last few years, SHE has become active in school activities of our children, SHE has built a beautiful home for our family, and ran a successful judicial campaign for a friend and then for herself. Even though she has now been elected judge, she still avoids the limelight. SHE always makes me look good and puts the family and others first.
It has been 25 years since SHE blessed my life with her hand in marriage. I did not deserve her then, and I do not deserve her now. SHE is responsible for everything success I have had. I’ll never be able to reciprocate what SHE has done for me or my life. All I can say is thank you and happy anniversary, Patti. I love you very much. Thank you for spending your life with me way up in the CHEAP SEATS!
Bill James is a co-founder of the James Law Firm with offices in Little Rock, Conway and Fayetteville, Arkansas. His primary area of practice is criminal defense. He can be contacted at Bill@JamesFirm.com