Lately, it is getting to feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. Just about the time I think I understand what is going on and some things are starting to make sense, someone comes up with some kind of outlandish idea and statement that simply pushes my thought cycle to the back of the school lunch line.
Recently, the farmers in our state and area have faced some tough times with drought, high temperatures and crops that look like something from a biblical plague. We still have drought problems in parts of this state and across the country that should cause all of us much concern. Just because rain as fallen in some backyards does not mean we are out of the agricultural disaster woods just yet. Only time and fall harvest will give us an answer to what the future may hold for some of Tennessee’s and America’s farmers.
The thing that caught my attention the other day as farmers were once again smiling after getting some rain across the state was a statement from the Environmental Working Group up in D.C. blaming the drought on the farmers of this country themselves, because they were against “cap-and-trade” legislation three years ago. I always knew a lot of hot air blew from the direction of our nation’s capital, but this written form of an El Nino from Donald Carr and his Environmental Working Group saying the extreme drought that has wreaked havoc on crops is the result of man-made climate change created by farmers is hot air of the worst kind that even Washington shouldn’t be credited with.
My question is: Does Mr. Carr really think that “cap-and-trade” would have kept everything nice and green this year? I just wonder if he knew Waddie Osborn over in East Tennessee. I have been told this story that somewhere over in the eastern part of the state during the ’40s there was a young man who thought he was a pretty good jockey, as well as a good judge of horse flesh. It is an old story, but it sort of fits the situation.
Waddie was asked to ride in a very important race in which you had to jump over hedges, as well as ride your fastest to win. An important owner knew of Waddie’s ability and just hoped that he could handle his new horse for a victory. The track to be used was nothing much more than a big cow pasture with privet hedges for jumps, and Waddie thought he knew all he needed to know about horses.
The owner gave Waddie some last minute instruction on how to run the track. Just as he walked off, he shouted back to Waddie, "I don’t know a whole lot about this horse, but I was told that all you have to remember is that everytime you approach a hedge, you have to shout, "ALLLEEE OOOP" real loud in the horse's ear.”
Waddie could not believe what he was hearing. He thought that was the stupidest thing to say during a horse race, and in all of his years of riding, he had never used a command like that for a horse. No way was he going to shout that in a horse’s ear.
As the race began, his horse took off for the first jump in a blinding burst of speed, several links ahead of the other horses. Waddie prepared for the jump, and refused to give the command, and the poor old horse crashed straight through the jump.
As they came out the other side, while Waddie attempted to remove a large limb from his belt, he could see that they were closing in fast on the next jump. Being somewhat embarrassed but not wanting to go through another event like the one he just had, he whispered "Allleee ooop" in the horse's ear.
However, the same thing happened. The horse crashed straight through the center of the jump.
As the third jump came into sight, Waddie came to the realization that he could not stand another crash though the hedges, and yells, "ALLLEEE OOOP!" really loud. The horse sailed over the jump with no problem. This continued for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier crashes through the hedges, they only finished fourth.
They say the owner was as mad as a bear with a sore toe when Waddie reached the barn. He immediately tore into Waddie and demanded an answer as to what went wrong. Waddie, with his feelings hurt, started blaming the owner for the loss and replied, “I didn’t do nothing wrong. It's your stupid old horse and his crazy ‘Allleee Ooop’ commands. What is he, deaf or something?"
With the veins on the sides of his head bulging, the owner hollered back at Waddie, "Deaf? Deaf? You idiot. He's not deaf, he's BLIND!”
Maybe the Environmental Working Group needs to take a cue from Waddie and quit crashing through the privet hedges. “Allleee Ooop!”
Pettus L. Read is editor of Tennessee Home & Farm magazine and Tennessee Farm Bureau News. He may be contacted by e-mail at pread@tfbf.com.