I would be surprised if you ever have an opportunity to make more friends than you will while you are in college. You are going to a campus with 26,000 other students. That is a lot of potential friends. You will naturally gravitate to those you already know, but for you to get the full college experience, you need to spread out and meet as many people as you can.
What is a friend? The definition I found on Dictionary.com is simply “a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.” I think that definition presupposes that both people feel the same way toward each other. Where you get in trouble in life is that everyone you know and like is not always your friend. You will often like someone, and they will not feel the same way toward you. Unfortunately, you will sometimes find that people that you thought were your friends were no more than acquaintances. These are people that you know and enjoy being around, but when it comes to a time of need, they are nowhere to be found.
You will come in contact with a lot of people that are only interested in what they can get from you. They have no interest in you personally, just what you have to offer. These people will come in and out of your life in the blink of an eye. It is important to be open to new relationships, but assuming people are your friend when they are not can be painful in many ways.
Not everyone you know is going to be your friend. Many will just be acquaintances. There is nothing wrong with that. You can be friendly to everyone and not be their “friend,” and the reverse is also true: Just because someone is nice to you doesn’t mean they are your “friend.”
That being said, you will come in contact with many well-meaning and caring people that you will become friends with and carry those relationships the rest of your life. The friends you make in college often shape much of your life in the future. Be open to new friendships and be a good friend to others; don’t be afraid to put yourself out there. You going to run into those that will hurt and betray you; that is part of life. The trick is to carry on and know that there is always a new friend out there; all you have to do is be willing to be a friend yourself.
Everyone’s life is made better by the friends they have. Have fun and make as many as possible, but remember (not withstanding the above warnings), the best way to get friends is to be a friend. That is true for everybody, especially those of us way up in the CHEAP SEATS!
Bill James is a co-founder of the James Law Firm with offices in Little Rock, Conway and Fayetteville, Ark. His primary area of practice is criminal defense. He can be contacted at Bill@JamesFirm.com.