As I write this, my oldest son is attending orientation at the University of Arkansas. The fact that he is less than two months from college has put a much greater strain on me than his graduation seemed to. In truth, it might all be part of the same, and the emotional stress of this particular milestone is simply piling upon what I have felt since his graduation along with the constant reminders that he is getting ready to move away.
Whatever it is, I have a lot of things I want to say and a lot of sage advice to impart to him in an attempt to help him avoid the many pitfalls and mistakes that I made throughout my college career. The problem is that when I embark on these type of conversations, I find myself preaching more than advising, and then I remember just how much I enjoyed being preached to when I was 18. I tended to ignore the lessons and often did the opposite just to be defiant.
I have decided to use this column over the next eight or so weeks as a method of saying the things that I want to say before he leaves. Maybe he will take these columns with him to college and review them when he needs to be reminded of my great wisdom. Maybe he will read them once and never look at them again. Maybe he won’t read them at all, but all I can do is try to do my best, and that is the simple point of the first column of this series.
Lesson 1
In college, as in life, the simple truth is you can only do your best. You cannot do any better than that. You will not accomplish everything you try, but as long as you do your best, you have done all that you can do and have nothing to regret. The only real regret is failing to do your best at whatever it is you set out to do. Many people are talented and are able to skate through life without really trying, and often seem happy with better than average results.
Everyone is different, and I can only speak for myself, but when I review my life, the true regrets I have are when I have failed to be the best I can be. Nobody can go 100 percent all of the time. There will be many times in life when you don’t do your best; the trick is trying to minimize them as much as possible. You never really know how good you can be unless you try. When a man looks in the mirror and realizes he has done all he can, he has nothing to be ashamed of regardless of the result.
As you travel through life, you will hear others blame everyone but themselves and the circumstances that surround them for their predicament or their particular place in the world. Their problems will be everyone’s fault but their own. They will not take responsibility. That is the easy way out. The best way to make your world as good as it can be is to simply take responsibility for yourself and do your best.
As with many of the truths in life, “doing your best” is simple, but far from easy. Of course, if it was easy, everyone would do it. That is especially true for those of us way up in the CHEAP SEATS!
Bill James is a criminal defense attorney and co founder of the James Law Firm, with offices in Little Rock, Conway, and Fayetteville, Ark. He may be contacted at JamesFirm.com.