We walked outside Monday at 11:30 in the morning, from the office on our way to knock out a few errands, but mainly to knock out some lunch. One of those errands was so Kyle (see Moot Points on page 29) could drop off some silent auction items at the Arkansas Press Association office.
We pulled up to APA headquarters on Victory Street and saw a large piece of plywood where glass had recently been in one of the front doors. “That doesn’t look good,” Kyle said. Break-ins do happen in the downtown area, just like everywhere else, and most businesses prepare for that by having an alarm, which the APA does. Tom Larimer, APA executive director, later told us that nothing was stolen, which was a relief.
Kyle went inside and I turned up the radio. A few minutes later, he came out and said Tom wanted to join us for lunch and we chose Cotham’s in the City. The diet plan I had vowed after seeing my full body profile in the steamy mirror, about five hours before, would have to be postponed again.
The Monday special was fried pork chops, but I went with hamburger steak and grilled onions with brown gravy. I ordered a salad, and the waitress asked if I wanted the full or half-size portion. I chose the full since I was only having a salad as a side. Both my dining partners went with the chicken fried steak, and I was immediately jealous, so I made some comment about the dangers of fried foods, which was met with mild disdain, as it should have been.
Our food arrived and my hamburger steak dwarfed everything in sight. This was more like a flying saucer than a hubcap. I dug in.
The table talk soon turned, for some unknown reason, to eating contests, and Tom brought up the name Takeru Kobayashi, the famous and skinny young man from Japan who became famous at the Nathan’s hot dog eating contests on Coney Island.
Kobayashi set his first record at his rookie appearance on July 4, 2001, when he ate 50 hot dogs in 12 minutes, doubling the previous record of 25.
But two years later, on Fox’s show Man vs. Beast, Kobayashi lost in an eating competition against a 1,089-pound Kodiak bear, when he ate 31 bunless hot dogs in two minutes and 36 seconds to the bear’s 50.
Next, Kyle brought up The Big Texan Steak Ranch in Amarillo. In 1960, Bob Lee opened The Big Texan on Route 66. Shortly after, the “free if you can eat it” steak challenge came to life. But it isn’t a petit filet we’re talking about here. This monster weighs 72 ounces, which is four and a half pounds. It contains 5,400 calories for those of you counting them.
Since it opened, tens of thousands people from around the world have traveled to Amarillo and attempted to eat that massive slab of beef, along with the sides, which are included in the contest. Do it under an hour and the meal is free. Fail and you pay $72. Some have succeeded; but most have paid.
I looked down at my unfinished alien burger, which had never been close to 72 ounces. I’d eaten about two-thirds of it, as well as all the salad and half a roll.
The evidence was plain. I’d never be a threat to Kobiashi, let alone a Kodiak.
•••
Now it’s summertime again, as the bubbling tar in the parking lots indicate. I cut my grass and cooked out last Saturday. Then I went inside and read an article in the paper that said, “Don’t cut your grass or cook out this weekend” – something about the unhealthy ozone.
Kyle told me Monday morning that the iPhone can and will overheat. He found out the hard way on his visit to Fayetteville and Huntsville last weekend. Seems when he got back to his truck, where Siri was plugged in, she was hot, but not in a good way. Kyle knew this because she was flashing ugly yellow triangles at him. If you didn’t know Siri could get too hot, then you probably don’t know she can cool off as well and Kyle’s report is their relationship is back to normal.
On the cool side it’s only 62 days until college football starts. We should be able to survive anything for 62 days.