I saw the following recently in, “The Week,” in their section, “I read it in the tabloids.”
“Lonely New York City men and women are paying $80 an hour to be cuddled. The cuddling service, Cuddlist?.com, employs 40 professional cuddlers to offer nonsexual hugging to men and women, many of whom are so involved in their careers that they don’t have time for relationships. One regular client, Saskia Fredericks, said she rarely sees her husband because of his work, and has informed him she needs the cuddling to keep from getting very lonely.”
I asked KM if she thought this was a good idea and she said, “That isn’t real.”
“I’m reading it right here in “The Week,” I told her.
“What, in their tabloid mush?”
I still thought it might be true so I Googled “cuddling companies” and sure enough, they do exist, and it seems $80 an hour is the actual market price.
The top companies have names like, The Snuggle Bunnies, Cuddle Up To Me, and Cuddle Comfort. I even found one in Canada called Cuddlery, which claims to be “The First Professional Cuddling Company in Canada!”
So most, it seems, pay for an hour. The cuddlers split the 80 bucks with the company owners. And, importantly, it is a totally platonic experience.
Then there is something one company’s offer called the All Nighter (The Snuggery charges $50 for 45 minutes and $425 for an overnight cuddle session).
With a little research I found more and had to share with KM.
“Listen to this, it says here that many professional cuddlers tailor their services around a book called ‘The Cuddle Sutra,’ which offers detailed descriptions of poses such as Cheek to Cheek, Come to Papa and Sardines.”
“Oh Lord,” came her response. “You know that’s just tabloid sensational journalism.”
“This is actually from the ‘Wall Street Journal,’” I said with the perfect amount of smugness. “They are always on the lookout for hot new start-ups.”
“Whatever.”
“Here is something else,” I said, pressing on, “this says a company called Snuggle Buddies, which is run by 28-year-old Evan Carp out of his New Jersey home, advertises more than 230 cuddlers in 39 states, 99 percent of whom are female.”
“Does that surprise you?” KM asked.
I was hoping she’d ask that one. “Well, I was just thinking that in most relationships that it’s the woman who likes to snuggle and the man who likes to, well, you know what I mean.”
“I thought we were talking about cuddling,” she said.
“We are.”
“But you just said snuggle.”
“Isn’t it the same?”
“Well if you don’t know the difference I can’t help you.”
I had thought I had her, but of course I never do; still I tried one last time.
“OK, it’s the women CUDDLE employees who are making all the money. While the guy cuddlers are starving. And yet, in real life, it’s the women who want to do all the cuddling, so why aren’t the phones blowing up at Snuggle Bunny for the guys??”
“You moron,” KM said. “A woman isn’t going to cuddle with someone she doesn’t know. While you, and all your cronies, will hit on a grandma orangutan if the lighting is right and there’s a banana daiquiri nearby. Men all have the same default mode. And you know as well as I do that every one of those guys who make appointments for a cuddle session, see it as one thing and one thing only.”
She was finished. I had nothing. Except. Yes, it was worth a shot.
“You want to cuddle?”
Jay Edwards is editor-in-chief of the Hamilton County Herald and an award-winning columnist. Contact him at jedwards@dailydata.com.