I’m going to sound like one of those old men who shoo kids off their lawns, but dagnabbit, “Poltergeist” did not need to be remade!
The original movie is (not was) perfect. It’s one of those lightning in a bottle films that hits all of the right notes. Can you think of a single blemish? Certainly not in the storyline. The idea of unspeakable horrors lying buried beneath the ideal suburban sprawl fit perfectly into the zeitgeist of the eighties. The dialogue was memorable, too. “They’re heeere” is still a part of our culture’s vernacular, on par with “May the force be with you,” and “Are you talkin’ to me?” The casting was spot on, too. Craig T. Nelson, Jobeth Williams, the beatific Heather O’Rourke, and the rest of the cast weren’t just the Freelings, they were our friends, and we connected with them in a way that’s rare for a movie and its audience. Even the special effects, done before computer animation became prevalent, hold up well today.
So why remake it? It cannot be improved upon, and there’s no point in producing an inferior reboot, right? Wrong. When there’s money to be made, nothing is sacred.
The “Poltergeist” remake is a cash grab that doesn’t even try to top the original. The set pieces lack energy, the acting is uninspired, and the directing tends to be lazy.
I should provide an example. There are many moments in the remake meant to either replicate or pay homage to the classic “Poltergeist.” Case in point: when the son, Griffin Bowen, sees his sister talking to the TV. In the original film, this is the scene in which Carol Anne utters her famous two word line, playfully drawing it out, like a child would. In the remake, the daughter turns, looks at her brother, and deadpans, “They’re here.”
The moment is so drab and out of character with the original film, watching it for the first time was like taking a big drink of what I expected to be cold, fizzy soda and discovering it’s warm and flat.
The remake team did invest some creativity in the re-do of the scene in which the clown snatches the son. In their take, several toy clowns are running around Griffin’s room, but drop lifeless as soon as the boy looks at them. Then comes the payoff shot, which would have been a decent jolt if the trailer hadn’t given it away.
But even in that effort, the remake feels like it’s merely going through the motions. Even a scene in which all three children are supernaturally attacked while the parents are gone lacks energy. The film’s climax also feels abbreviated, as though the filmmakers got to that point and said, “This isn’t working. Let’s just wrap this up and call it a day.” When the credits rolled, so did my eyes.
The one bright spot in the remake is the character of Carrigan Burke, who takes over for Zelda Rubenstein as the clairvoyant who attempts to cleanse the house of evil. He brings more energy to his scenes than the other actors, and I perked up every time I saw him.
I’m not being too hard on the “Poltergeist” remake. The people who made it seemingly didn’t have their hearts in it. Frankly, they never should have made the movie, as it brings nothing new to the table, and it serves only to remind us of how good the original was. Ben Franklin couldn’t capture lightning in a bottle twice, so why do movie makers think they can? Stop trying, dagnabbit!
Two stars out of four. Rated PG-13 for frightening sequences, suggestive material, and language.
David Laprad is the assistant editor of the Hamilton County Herald and an award-winning columnist and photographer. He believes horror movie fans are tired of retreads and are looking for fresh, original content. He also wishes he had the power to cancel production on the upcoming “Friday the 13th” reboot. Contact him at dlaprad@hamiltoncountyherald.com.
Please don’t
see this movie
I
’m going to sound like one of those old men who shoo kids off their lawns, but dagnabbit, “Poltergeist” did not need to be remade!
The original movie is (not was) perfect. It’s one of those lightning in a bottle films that hits all of the right notes. Can you think of a single blemish? Certainly not in the storyline. The idea of unspeakable horrors lying buried beneath the ideal suburban sprawl fit perfectly into the zeitgeist of the eighties. The dialogue was memorable, too. “They’re heeere” is still a part of our culture’s vernacular, on par with “May the force be with you,” and “Are you talkin’ to me?” The casting was spot on, too. Craig T. Nelson, Jobeth Williams, the beatific Heather O’Rourke, and the rest of the cast weren’t just the Freelings, they were our friends, and we connected with them in a way that’s rare for a movie and its audience. Even the special effects, done before computer animation became prevalent, hold up well today.
So why remake it? It cannot be improved upon, and there’s no point in producing an inferior reboot, right? Wrong. When there’s money to be made, nothing is sacred.
The “Poltergeist” remake is a cash grab that doesn’t even try to top the original. The set pieces lack energy, the acting is uninspired, and the directing tends to be lazy.
I should provide an example. There are many moments in the remake meant to either replicate or pay homage to the classic “Poltergeist.” Case in point: when the son, Griffin Bowen, sees his sister talking to the TV. In the original film, this is the scene in which Carol Anne utters her famous two word line, playfully drawing it out, like a child would. In the remake, the daughter turns, looks at her brother, and deadpans, “They’re here.”
The moment is so drab and out of character with the original film, watching it for the first time was like taking a big drink of what I expected to be cold, fizzy soda and discovering it’s warm and flat.
The remake team did invest some creativity in the re-do of the scene in which the clown snatches the son. In their take, several toy clowns are running around Griffin’s room, but drop lifeless as soon as the boy looks at them. Then comes the payoff shot, which would have been a decent jolt if the trailer hadn’t given it away.
But even in that effort, the remake feels like it’s merely going through the motions. Even a scene in which all three children are supernaturally attacked while the parents are gone lacks energy. The film’s climax also feels abbreviated, as though the filmmakers got to that point and said, “This isn’t working. Let’s just wrap this up and call it a day.” When the credits rolled, so did my eyes.
The one bright spot in the remake is the character of Carrigan Burke, who takes over for Zelda Rubenstein as the clairvoyant who attempts to cleanse the house of evil. He brings more energy to his scenes than the other actors, and I perked up every time I saw him.
I’m not being too hard on the “Poltergeist” remake. The people who made it seemingly didn’t have their hearts in it. Frankly, they never should have made the movie, as it brings nothing new to the table, and it serves only to remind us of how good the original was. Ben Franklin couldn’t capture lightning in a bottle twice, so why do movie makers think they can? Stop trying, dagnabbit!
Two stars out of four. Rated PG-13 for frightening sequences, suggestive material, and language.
David Laprad is the assistant editor of the Hamilton County Herald and an award-winning columnist and photographer. He believes horror movie fans are tired of retreads and are looking for fresh, original content. He also wishes he had the power to cancel production on the upcoming “Friday the 13th” reboot. Contact him at dlaprad@hamiltoncountyherald.com.