How many times in your life have you suffered for things you said?
Think back and really consider the things you have said in your life that you came to regret.
Failure to appropriately filter what is about to come out of your mouth during a heated conversation can be quite painful for both you and the target of the snarky comment. So often the best response to a situation iså “no comment.”
I am proud to have been voted “class clown” my junior and senior years in high school. The skills that helped me gain that very prestigious honor have also served me well as a trial lawyer. A quick wit is a great tool to have at your disposal in the courtroom. The ability to respond quickly in the heat of battle can often make the difference in a close case.
As it is with all things, there is a negative to having a quick wit. The thing about having a quick wit is that sometimes your attempt at being funny backfires, and you end up offending someone. Most of the time when a comment goes bad, you’re just not funny. Other times, an insensitive word to another can burn like a fire poker.
While a quick wit can be blamed for many hurtful statements, anger is the source of many more. The rush that comes upon an individual when they are angry or hurt often serves as the wellspring of comments to be later regretted when cooler heads prevail. Who among us has not lost a friend at some time in our life when emotions overtook our reasoning powers?
In order to minimize comments that I will later regret, I often use the ten second rule. I will simply count to ten before I respond or say something that may be inappropriate. This methodology actually works pretty well, although I often wonder how the artificial silence looks and sounds to the people with which I am speaking. But no matter how odd or uncomfortable the ten seconds of silence is, it is probably better than what might come out of my mouth if I spoke without thinking.
There are those that walk among us that have little or no feelings for others. Those folks do not think twice about saying things that might be hurtful. For the rest of us that really don’t like the idea of hurting others, holding our tongues can go a long way toward that goal. You really don’t have to count to ten; you just have to think before you talk. A simple rule that is easier said than done.
As I have grown older, I find that holding my tongue is easier than it used to be. Maybe I think more before I speak. Maybe I have just become wiser in my years and have gotten better at keeping my thoughts to myself.
Whatever the reason, one thing is certain: It’s easy to run your mouth when you’re way up in the CHEAP SEATS, but very hard to take what you said back – no matter where you are.
Bill James is a co-founder of the James Law Firm with offices in Little Rock, Conway and Fayetteville, Arkansas. His primary area of practice is criminal defense. He can be contacted at Bill@JamesFirm.com
This column was originally published on April 26, 2013.