The closest my hometown in Alabama ever came to having a zoo was in the mid ’70s in my backyard where I had everything from bottle-feeding calves, a raccoon, rabbits, chickens, turkeys, ducks, quail (Bob White and California varieties) and dogs (of no particular variety). There was also a bevy of unwanted guests that stayed around the pens because of the feed as well as some critters that wanted to feast upon those feasting on the spilled feed.
I have long since done away with the zoo and cared for only dogs, cattle and a horse or two. In fact, since moving to Little Rock, I am pet-less. While I am still an animal lover, sometimes I think some people are confused who should be No. 2 when they’re looking out for No. 1.
I mean, come on, if saving myself means Lassie’s years of barking must come to an end, well, look at the bright side, it’s going to be a much quieter neighborhood.
At least dogs are man’s best friends and they’re glad to see you, regardless of how your day went. While I’m not a cat person, I doubt a bad day at work will keep one from purring and rubbing up against you. But has a small fish, about three-inches long, ever greeted you with a wag of its tail, fetched a bone, or guarded your house as if it were Fort Knox?
During its construction, Interstate 540 was routed a mile to the east at Lowell in Benton County to avoid the blind cave fish habitat in Cave Springs. It wasn’t as if the blind cave fish would disappear if its habitat in Benton County was destroyed. They inhabit plenty of other caves in Arkansas, Oklahoma and Missouri. They were not on the “endangered” list. (Incidentally, they are blind after originating from the deep caves of Mexico, where the lack of light and predators made vision unnecessary.) The little fellows also made for multiple changes in the original plan for proposed corridors off of I-540 to Northwest Arkansas Regional Airport.
Arkansas, however, has nothing on California, where the city council in Davis decided to not fight a group that was worried about frogs being squished by traffic commuting from one side of the city to the other on the town bypass. It seems these toads would hop merrily back and forth across the road to a reservoir. Unfortunately, Kermit and friends often ended up as slick spots on the road before reaching their planned destination.
The logical plan, the city council decided, was to spend about $30,000 for several “Toad Tunnels” underneath the road, which would theoretically allow the frogs to bypass the bypass and travel in safety. The tunnels would even be lighted so that the frogs could easily see them.
Turns out it’s hard to teach an old frog new tricks. The problem started with the majority of the frogs, obviously not Rhodes Scholars, electing to continue using the road, therefore more often than not meeting their match with steel-belted radials. The frogs that did use the tunnel would often be baked by the lights before reaching the other end. Those that reached the other end were usually greeted by the large birds that had grown wise and knew where to find a good meal and a warm one at that.
Not to be outdone, the San Jose School District approved the $725,000 purchase of a pizza machine it claimed would “churn out 800 pizzas a day to sell on various campuses in the district.”
Due to frequent breakdowns, the machines were finally removed after two years, producing a total of 2,000 pizzas in the period. That comes to about $360 per pizza.
When about $2.5 billion is added daily to the national debt, our government is bound to have some outlandish spending as silly, if not sillier, than the aforementioned California towns.
In 2010, the University of Kentucky received a grant of $181,406 from the National Institute of Health to study how cocaine enhances the sex drive of Japanese quail. In 2011, grant funding was extended and an additional $175,587 was provided for the study. I kid you not.