Some news from the frozen wastelands.
A woman recently bought a car specifically for revenge motives. June Ann Blocker lives in Kentucky. Maybe she is a football fan, or for that matter, a hoops rooter who just couldn’t stomach back-to-back losses to the Razorbacks and then the Gamecocks. Wrong, what happened was she had it in for some former bosses at a Kroger store where she worked. So she goes out and buys a 2006 Lincoln and smashes it into the front of the store. No one was seriously hurt.
I admit having fantasized about something close to what Ms. Blocker (I wonder if she is related to Hoss at the Ponderosa?) pulled off. My own sociopath dream always comes to me during rush hour traffic when all those evil people out on the road are trying to destroy me. It comes to me then about how great it would be to have an old clunker I could play demolition derby in. Maybe one like the big heavy metal road trip machine that Flounder’s brother Fred owned in “Animal House.”
Ms. Blocker must have money, a 2006 Lincoln would be a little more than I’d want to spend for my day of destruction. Maybe I could even figure a way to mount a 50-caliber machine gun on the hood for those bad drivers I fail to ram. I need to write to Frank Fellone, the Drive-Time Mahatma over at the Dem-Gaz and see if anything like that has ever happened around here.
The article about Ms. Blocker went on to say that she has had long- time grievances with her former employer. Way back in 1999 she pulled a similar stunt at another Kentucky Kroger. When interviewed about the incident, a friend of Blocker’s, Jane Embry said, “She is a wonderful person.”
KM worked at Kroger when she was in high school. You may remember a column about that, when my friend Craig took me there to see her and I was hit by the “Thunderbolt” (ie. Cupid’s sledgehammer). As far as I know, KM never drove her car through the front of the store though. Nevertheless, she is a wonderful person too.
In a story from Russia not having to do with the crisis in the Ukraine, it seems squirrels are disappearing from Moscow’s parks. Apparently it is a new craze over there to have one of the, cuter of the rodent family, as a house pet. Never underestimate the power of a bushy tail (just ask a rat).
Russian authorities are taking this very seriously, fining anyone who is caught kidnapping squirrels $570, or over four times the $144 the animals are bringing on the black market. One Moscow resident who was interviewed doesn’t think the fine is severe enough, saying, “We should gather people together and pelt the person who does that with snowballs.” That might work, a civilized brand of stoning. Which gives me the idea – Why not have snowball fights as an Olympic event?
Finally, to Scotland, where the world’s most famous urban legend, Nessie, has not been seen for a year and a half. Known better by her formal title, the Loch Ness Monster, the prehistoric creature has never gone this long without being seen, since she was first spotted in 1933.
It was a London man, George Spicer, who made that first claim 81-years ago. Spicer and his wife had been motoring around the Loch, when they saw, “the nearest approach to a dragon or pre-historic animal that I have ever seen in my life.”
My money’s on Nessie. Dragons live forever remember.