The Oscars were Sunday night. It was a weak year for film, in my opinion. And my favorite, 50-50, wasn’t even nominated. From what I saw, there wasn’t one classic line in the bunch. Whatever happened to great dialogue like the following?
1. Elwood: Illinois Nazis.
Jake: I hate Illinois Nazis.
2. Ned: I need someone to take care of me, someone to rub my tired muscles, smooth out my sheets.
Matty: Get married.
Ned: I just need it for tonight.
3. Dean Vernon Wormer: Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
4. Ralphie as Adult: Randy lay there like a slug. It was his only defense.
5. Warren Schmidt: Well Ndugu, I’ll close now. You probably can’t wait to run down and cash this check so you can get yourself something to eat.
6. Bureau Official: Here is an example: A 15-year-old lad apprehended in the act of staging a holdup – 15 years old and a marijuana addict. Here is a most tragic case.
Dr. Carroll: Yes. I remember. Just a young boy... under the influence of drugs... who killed his entire family with an axe.
7. Wednesday: I’m a homicidal maniac; they look just like everyone else.
8. Lord John Whorfin: Laugh while you can, monkey-boy.
9. Captain Oveur: Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?
10. Bob Woodward: Liddy? You think there’s a chance he’ll talk?
Deep Throat: Talk? Once, at a gathering, he put his hand over a candle and kept it there.
He kept it right in the flame until his flesh seared. A woman who was watching asked,
“What’s the trick?” And he replied. “The trick is not minding.”
11. Jim Olmeyer: Do you just want to lose weight, or are you looking to increase strength and flexibility as well?
Lester Burnham: I want to look good naked.
12. Melvin Udall: Sell crazy someplace else. We’re all stocked up here.
13. Thornton Melon: Bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until somebody passes out. And then bring one every ten minutes.
14. Lili Von Shtupp: A wed wose, how womantic.
15. H.I. McDunnough: I’ll be taking these Huggies and whatever cash ya got.
16. Roy ‘Tin Cup’ McAvoy: If I had it to do all over again, I’d still hit that shot.
Romeo: Man, you’d bury yourself alive just to prove you could handle the shovel.
17. Ben: A salesman is somebody way up there in the blue, riding on a smile and a shoeshine...
18. Bob Diamond: Did we ever stop to think that this young boy had a bond with his father? I don’t think it had anything to do with the friend. I just think Daniel couldn’t lie to his dad. That’s all.
Lena Foster: You’re nodding, Mr. Miller. Does that mean you agree with Mr. Diamond?
Daniel Miller: Oh, yes. I had a bond with my father. I pretty much never lied to him.
Lena Foster: You never lied to your father? Would you like me to show you at least 500 examples?
Daniel Miller: I said “pretty much” never lied. I didn’t say I never, ever lied. You have to lie sometimes... in an emergency. But, ah, it doesn’t mean the bond is affected. If you’ve got the bond, the bond is always there, and if you have to lie occasionally, you’re not going to interfere with the bond. You know, the bond can wait for a little lie and... in the end it’s there for you. You know, sometimes in the middle of a lie, I found that the bond would kick in... maybe squeeze a little truth out.
Bob Diamond: Psst, wrap it up.
Daniel Miller: I’m through.
19. Shane: I’ve heard about you.
Wilson: What have you heard, Shane?
Shane: I’ve heard that you’re a low-down Yankee liar.
Wilson: Prove it.
20. Boris: After all, there are worse things in life than death. If you’ve ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman, you know what I’m talking about. The key is, to not think of death as an end, but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
Films: 1. “The Blues Brothers”; 2. “Body Heat”; 3. “Animal House”; 4. “A Christmas Story”; 5. “About Schmidt”; 6. “Reefer Madness”; 7. “The Addams Family”; 8. “The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension”; 9. “Airplane”; 10. “All the President’s Men”; 11. “American Beauty”; 12. “As Good As It Gets”; 13. “Back to School”; 14. “Blazing Saddles”; 15. “Raising Arizona”; 16. “Tin Cup”; 17. “Death of a Salesman”; 18. “Defending Your Life”; 19. “Shane”; and 20. “Love and Death”.