Humor is tragedy plus time” – Mark Twain
The Oscars were Sunday night, and I watched pretty much the entire nine hours. If we had a water cooler at the paper, then the main topic of conversation around it would probably be Seth McFarland and his hosting debut. Instead, I had to resort to that electronic water cooler known as the Facebook. (Sorry, couldn’t resist bringing back the “the.”) It was fun to read posts from people I know from the west coast to Queens (my baby girl) and their opinions on the seemingly confident antics of McFarland. At least everyone took a short break from politics.
Bringing the original Captain Kirk back from his time warp may have saved ole Seth from the fate of the 2011 bomb team of James Franco and Anne Hathaway. Franco should have cut off his own hand to get out of there. Hathaway rebounded well, but I liked her better as Catwoman.
Chevy Chase could have the worst rep, however, from back in 1988, when he delivered his opening line, “Good evening, Hollywood phonies.” That actually seems pretty funny now.
From his mini jumbotron floating overhead, William Shatner seemed more like the lovable Denny Crane than James Tiberius Kirk, and I kept hoping James Spader would plop down next to him in his $3,000 Armani with a drink and a Stogie so Crane/Kirk could say, “See, Alan, I told you I once captained my own spaceship!”
The best (by far) singing of the evening came from 76-year Dame Shirley Bassey, who reprised her 1964 hit theme song Goldfinger, during the 007 Tribute. I”ll wager even Odd Job would have been proud.
Then came the disappointing Memorium segment. I realize that every Oscar obituary tribute leaves a few of the artists out who have died during the last year – BUT NO ANDY GRIFFITH!?!?
Others conspicuously missing were:
Ben Gazarra – “Anatomy of a Murder” and the impossible to not watch “Road House”
Whitney Houston – She will always love us
Davy Jones – The most popular Monkee had no movies to speak of, but as the Artful Dodger in “Oliver” while on Broadway, he once appeared on the “Ed Sullivan Show.” It happened to be the same night those guys from Liverpool were there. Jones later remembered, “I watched the Beatles from the side of the stage, I saw the girls going crazy, and I said to myself, ‘This is it. I want a piece of this.’”
Levon Helm – If “Coal Miner’s Daughter” and “The Right Stuff” doesn’t get you a memorial, then what does?
William Windom – “To Kill a Mockingbird”
Phyllis Diller – as Texas Guinan in “Splendor in the Grass”
Larry Hagman – “The Group,” “Fail-Safe,” “Harry and Tonto,” “Mother, Jugs & Speed,” “The Eagle Has Landed,” “Superman,” “S.O.B.,” “Nixon” and “Primary Colors.” “Mother, Jugs and Speed” should have made him a lock.
Sylvia Kristel – Lady Chatterly!!!
Ann Rutherford – Surely I just missed her – she made like a hundred movies, including those Andy Hardy films, “A Christmas Carol,” “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty,” and, oh, yeah, “Gone With the Wind.”
But there was one more left out for whom there can be no excuse. After finishing up a pretty decent football career, the great Alex Karras made his way to Hollywood. But last night, he was a forgotten man, which just goes to show I guess, that Mongol now also pawn in game of death.
Go figure.
Kirk out.
Denny Crane: To next season, my friend.
Alan Shore: I can’t wait to see what we do next!
Denny Crane: I’m just getting started!
Alan Shore: Denny Crane.
Denny Crane: Alan Shore.
Alan Shore: Flamingos.