I’m working in the Levison towers on the cusp of holidays. Just passed is Valentine’s Day – a trap created by candy and flower companies for the unwary. In fact, half-empty boxes of chocolates and wilting carnations litter the kitchen here on the 23rd floor.
I try to treat my day wives at the office with a gift. Ironically, my real-life wife helped me shop for my day wives’ gifts, and the gift I ordered for my real-life wife has not yet been delivered. The banks, courts and post office were open on Valentine’s Day.
Presidents’ Day looms on the horizon, and no essential government services will be operating. Essential is clearly relative – a lawyer can’t get much done with the courts and post office closed. A sole practitioner has little use for the bank, of course.
Presidents’ Day has been a product of evolution. In our polarized society, it might be hard to reach an agreement on who the last great presidents were. The best we’ve done thus far are George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, and not even my writing partners Levison and Kramer were alive during their administrations.
As a lawyer, I’m thrilled that Abraham Lincoln is honored on Presidents’ Day. Lincoln was the ultimate small firm lawyer. His evolution from country boy to revered litigator to president is one I would like to emulate. Except for the president part.
Yes, Gentle Reader, I am focused on evolution today. Perhaps it is the lot of Middle-Aged Legal Guy to spend more time looking at the past and from where he has come than the future. This makes sense since more of his life is behind him than in front of him.
Submitted for your approval: the evolution of a lawyer.
Neanderlaw man: Neanderlaw man is an early rendition of a lawyer, typically one fresh out of law school (although some Neanderlawyers are much older). Neanderlaw man believes he is better than his apelike lay brothers and sisters. He is able to move among the courthouse staff without drawing dirty looks from courthouse staff. This is not to say that Neanderlaw man is superior in the law to his lay cousins. Many lawyers at various levels of development have suffered defeat at the hands of the lay, or pro se, litigant.
Still, Neanderlaw man has begun to figure law things out. He wears a suit and has at least a rudimentary understanding of the profession and how the court system works. He often lacks an understanding of the deeper process of the profession, and is blissfully ignorant to the notion that sometimes being right and winning are two different concepts. He still relishes the aggressive advocacy of an unevolved mind. Deposition objections typically end with insults. Neanderlaw man is prone to beating his chest when he should be beating lawbooks.
I was annoyed last week to hear a Neanderlaw man complaining that after three years in practice, he had “paid his dues” and should be doing bigger tasks than handling discovery motions – while I was opposing him on a discovery motion.
Lawmo Hegetsit. Lawmo Hegetsit is the second stage in the evolution of a lawyer. Lawmo understands that, for a lawyer to pay his dues, he has to have taken some bumps and bruises. For the trial sub species of Lawmo Hegetsit, this means losing at litigation at least once. It means developing a reputation, good or bad, and beginning to earn the trust of clients and peers. It is the beginning of self-awareness for a lawyer.
I remember the exact moment when I became Lawmo Hegetsit. I had been practicing law for about eight years and had handled cases at both trial and appellate court levels. At 2:45, in the morning on Wednesday I sat bolt upright in bed, sweat dripping from my face. I was gripped with the realization that I barely knew what I was doing and clients were trusting me to do it! Maybe this was just a bad dream as I went to work the next day and never told a soul.
Lawmo Hegetsit knows that serving in the profession is an honor for a lawyer. He still has the will to fight but honestly prefers not to. A good compromise is almost as satisfying as a win.
I remember after a trial when a juror told me that “you’ll be a pretty good lawyer once you get some grey hair.” Grey hair indeed.
Lawmo Egreycius is the Middle-Aged Law Guy of our species. This creature knows when to fight and when to run away – he may not always choose appropriately but at least he knows which one to do. Not surprisingly, Lawmo Egreycius is a bit worn down from years of studying and practicing law. Although naturally a pack animal, Lawmo Egreycius is quite comfortable in solitude and will frequently practice alone. Most judges are Lawmo Egreycius, and take the cave motif to a new level.
Lawmo Egreycius is a formidable opponent once he gets moving. Inertia being what it is, however, Lawmo Egreycius may stop on a dime but find it hard to get over that dime and keep moving. His hair is grey and his knees are creaky. His liver and stomach, however, bear the brunt from the assaults on his practice.
I’m not certain that lawyers evolve from one stage to the next in all circumstances. Even as my hair greys, I am often delighted or embarrassed to see Neanderlaw man in the mirror. And some days, I’m pretty sure I just didn’t get it. I hope to know what the final evolution of a lawyer looks like, but honestly, I am in no big rush.
©2012 under analysis llc. under analysis is a nationally syndicated column of the Levison Group. Spencer Farris is the founding partner of The S.E. Farris Law Firm in St Louis, Mo. He knows that Neanderthal man came after homo erectus, but got his law license after his editorial one. Comments or criticisms about this column may be sent c/o this newspaper or directly to the Levison Group via email at comments@levisongroup.com.