This article ran in The Hamilton County Harold on December 2, 2011.
We are each born with a clean “plate.” As you age, the plate begins to tarnish ever so slightly. It is odd the way time seems to pass by so quickly as you grow older. It almost seems to build on itself exponentially. The tarnish develops very slowly. At first, the build up is imperceptible. Then, it suddenly begins to show.
At first, it is very light. It is scarcely visible like the first frost of an early November morning . There are many people that get through the first 25 years of their lives with little noticeable buildup onto their shiny plate. While the plate is clean, it is light and easy to handle. As a person’s plate begins to yield to the shadow of buildup created by an assortment of life’s events, the plate becomes increasingly cumbersome. In most cases, the plate is reasonably easy to handle. The thing is, a person’s plate can quickly become cluttered, making it difficult to deal with. Some people are not up to the chore and falter under the stress caused by the clutter on their plate.
The clutter is caused by those events that we carry along with us like so much baggage. The pain caused by the clutter has the potential of affecting everything a person sees and does. The source of pain is made up of things like disappointments, loss, and unresolved anger. Not to mention the way things could and should have been. The source of pain is often unrelated to any conduct on the part of the individual. Some clutter is caused by forces beyond our control. Some is caused by our own doing. The source of pain is different for everyone. The baggage of past clutter can be very painful no matter the source. The thing is, each individual has some ability to eliminate the clutter on their plate. Some are better than others. There are those in the world that possess a plate that is damaged when they are young and the clutter of the past seems to stick a little harder.
When clutter becomes permanent, there is a corresponding source of pain that never goes away. The pain can become less sharp over time, but even dull, the pain is always there. For those that live with excruciating pain caused by the permanent clutter of the past, life is a constant battle and they always seem ready to fight. For these people, strangers are always the enemy and the enemies always seem to be in control.
In some cases, the debilitating effect of the cluttered plate immobilizes the individual in a way that life is an never ending struggle that affords them no way to lash out against the gravity-like source that seems to keep them locked down at the bottom. These people can do very well with those they know and love, but it is the strangers that they seem to have a problem with. When you are incapable of trusting people, it is hard to have a meaningful relationship with them. It is easier to hate those you do not know. It is easier hurt those with whom you do not feel a connection.
For the many who are able to handle their plate, it is hard to understand the rage that this pain can cause. The heat of the rage can be very scary for the unfamiliar. Few are familiar with such rage, and if they are, they are usually carrying a lot of clutter themselves. The heaviest clutter is that which is piled on in childhood. It is also the clutter is the hardest to rid oneself of. It is the type of clutter that rarely goes away on its own. I have heard it said that you spend all of your youth trying to be an adult and then you spend your life as an adult trying to get over your childhood. For most of us, the chore of getting over our childhood is merely living through the pain of a parent’s refusal to buy us a particular car or a perceived emotional slight that amounts to nothing in comparison to many of the less fortunate in the world.
There is little excuse for allowing the pain caused by your clutter to hurt others. While it is physical hurt that is outlawed, the emotional hurt that one causes to others can yield just as much clutter on a plate. The physical can sometimes heal. The emotional has a way of hanging around. It is literally the pain that keeps on giving. Ironically, it is often the emotional pain caused by physical pain that seems to stick to the plate and make people the angriest.
We all want to be safe from physical and emotional harm. The clutter of the past can deceive you into taking routes in life that all but guarantee such pain. There are those that are destined to be locked up in our world. They are not all born that way. Sometimes, we as a society make them the way they are by allowing them to fall through the net of the social fabric. It is sad to think of the difference the showing of love and the providing of structure could make in so many young people’s lives. Jail doesn’t take away clutter. In most cases, I am sure that it only adds to it.
That is not to say that there are not those that need to be locked up. It is only to say that, maybe, if we paid a little more attention to caring for our young and making sure that everyone gets a good education, we would have to spend a little less attention to them after they grow up.
I don’t know. I am just one guy trying to keep his plate clutter free way up here in the CHEAP SEATS.
Bill James is a co-founder of the James Law Firm with offices in Little Rock, Conway and Fayetteville, Arkansas. His primary area of practice is criminal defense. He can be contacted at Bill@JamesFirm.com