This article was originally published in The Hamilton County Herald on December 30, 2011.
Temper tantrums. If you have children, you have temper tantrums.
I remember one (it was so traumatizing to me that I will never forget it) that one of my children had in a grocery store. I won’t mention names, because I don’t want any of them to hate me!
This child was 2-1/2 years old and we were in the grocery store. “Tantrum” was walking contentedly by my side as I was pushing the cart, with “Peaceful” child sitting in the cart. Tantrum picked up a box of cereal and brought it to me, pleading for me to “get this one.” I told “it” no, took the cereal away and put it back on the shelf.
This particular action brought on an immediate, inescapable tirade of screaming, stomping feet, hands thrown in the air, and head back – you might be familiar with the scene! Everyone within hearing distance (which I think was all the customers and store personnel) came running to see what the commotion was all about and if someone was hurt!
Once Tantrum had started this wild demonstration of displeasure, I pretended it was not my child and continued walking down the aisle. However, after everyone started showing up to inquire about the commotion, I left the cart with Peaceful still sitting in it and went back to retrieve Tantrum.
It was during that time that this situation got worse – as if it could! Peaceful decided that it also needed to check out what everyone was looking at, so, in one fluid motion and faster than the blink of an eye, Peaceful climbed out of the cart, and fell on the hard tile floor of the store, and – well, you can imagine. Peaceful immediately started crying and everyone turned their attention to it and started running to make sure there was no serious hurt involved there.
I told you – quite traumatic! Some things a mother will never forget! Turned out both children were ok. Peaceful did have quite a goose egg on the forehead for a while, though, and to this day, I want to run and grab any child I see standing in a grocery cart!
What did I learn about tantrums during those young mother years? One thing was that I would always get a babysitter when I needed to go grocery shopping! Of course, that did not help the tantrums, but it did help me with being able to remember why I was at the store in the first place!
All child tantrums are agonizing, and most times, embarrassing to parents, but on a lighter note, most of them are just regular childhood expressions of wanting to control a certain situation, and therefore are not anything to be alarmed over. However, there are those that reveal a more serious condition. Researchers claim there are five tantrum styles that are "red flags" indicating a preschooler may have adjustment problems throughout their younger years.
In the study that was conducted, researchers found that tantrums in children who truly had mental health problems tended to be different from tantrums in healthy children. They agreed no one would be able to diagnose a problem just from looking at a tantrum, but did say there are some definite signs that could be watched for.
Normal children may display every one of these warning flags from time to time. However, kids with problems, show these signs in almost every tantrum.
• Aggression toward caregivers, or objects.
If this happens more than half the time in 10 to 20 tantrums, it may lead to disruptive disorders. If your child kicks you because you won't get them an ice cream cone, that’s not too uncommon, but if this happens 90 percent of the time, there is a problem.
• Self-injury.
Kids with major depression, or with major depression and disruptive behavior, are much more likely to bite or scratch themselves, bang their head against walls, or kick in an attempt to hurt their foot.
• Frequent tantrums.
Preschoolers experiencing 10-20 tantrums a month at home, or more than five tantrums daily on multiple days outside the home, are at risk of a serious problem.
• Long tantrums.
Children with serious disorders have 25-minute or longer tantrums 90 percent of the time.
• Inability to calm down
These are the children that require an external force to calm them down; such as removing them from the situation, or bribing them with something.