I fought off my post turkey coma and stumbled in to the Levison Towers this weekend. For a trial lawyer with a trial after a holiday, the holiday is just a distraction. Not necessarily a relaxing one, either. The time I took off on Thursday was made up on Thursday night. And Saturday. And Sunday.
That included a nap when the tryptophan in the turkey finally won. I woke up in the Levison Towers media room with papers all around me and the television on. I figured I was the only one watching at this hour, except for a few truck drivers and hospital patients. Late Thursday night after Thanksgiving, the commercial time was bought up by someone other than lawyers. Still salespeople, but in the actual retail trade. And why wouldn’t retailers grab up the air space? The day after Thanksgiving is the kick off for the Christmas selling season, or Black Friday. Odd that the best day for shopping markets has the same name as the worst day for the stock markets. Odder still that promotion of Black Friday has meant more and more workers have lost a day off on Thanksgiving, as they are called in to work Thursday night to prepare for the Friday sales that begin progressively earlier.
The season of giving starts off with an end of season taking. Humbug. Internet retailers got into the act shortly after Al Gore invented the internets with Cyber Monday. I have no reliable statistic on how many virtual employees and electrons are inconvenienced for this big day. Humbyte. Despite all the stampedes, pepper sprayings, long lines and rude behaviour (not to mention questionable hygeine after camping out for two days to save 40 bucks on the latest whatsit), these gimmics are a success for retailers. In fact, this year’s shopstravaganza set records and exceeded expectations. It was only a matter of time before law firms got into the game. Renowned Amarillo law firm Slim, Dusty and Lefty were first on the scene with their White Hat Tuesday. Prove to the partners that you were the good guy in your lawsuit and they would discount their legal fees from $300 per hour to a Wild West reminicent $100 per hour.
Crowds outside the lawfirm’s office turned nasty when the snack truck, a.k.a. the Cheese Sandwich Lady, grossly underestimated the number of hopefuls and ran out of food well before the firm opened its doors at 8 am. Some suspected this was a cynical ploy by Slim, Dusty and Lefty to weed out fake good guys. Intellectual property upstarts Mahoo and Floogle (known for their successful defense to challenges to the Scram Now brand of rodent repellant towels) got into the game with their Smart Guy Wednesday promotion. Techno wizards with new inventions could call and discuss their genius with the firm’s founders, no charge. Competitors at Crabapple Sintel cried foul, pointing out that the Mahoo and Floogle practice of having women answer the phones was like hunting over bait since many of the callers had never actually spoken to a woman before. M and F refused to comment, but noted a 40 percent growth in new business on Smart Guy Wednesday.
Personal injury lawyer Tad Thadshaw MD, JD, PhD, DDS, ADD, OCDC and Ninja started Spleen Saturday. Any new client with a spleen injury qualifies for a lower contingent fee of 10 percent of any recovery, after costs, expenses and a marketing surcharge. Thadshaw was seen in his ninja uniform, personally filling out new applicant intake forms as spleenless folk from around Tulsa lined up outside his door. Silk stocking/white shoe law firms formerly hesitant to dive into the marketing fray have reluctantly offered holiday sales as well. Ten Stroke Thursday created a buzz last season, when Lovie, Thurston and Howell gave ten free golf strokes and an extra Mulligan to new or existing clients with new matters playing golf with the partners on that date. (Some restrictions apply, see partner for details.) One banking CEO was heard to say, “This is almost as good as the million dollar bonus I earned for firing my mother!”
Here in the Levison Towers, we are much too traditional to try to generate business with trendy marketing ploys. We prefer to get our clients the old fashioned way, with hard work, dedication to our clients and personal service. And of course our traditional Fruitcake Friday. Clients wanting a free fruitcake with their qualifying merger, bankruptcy or mass tort defense should be lining up outside our offices Thursday night. No need to push or shove, folks. I promise that we won’t let these special gifts run out. © 2011 under analysis llc. under analysis is a nationally syndicated column of the Levison Group. Spencer Farris is the founding partner of The S.E. Farris Law Firm in St Louis, Missouri. He prefers to shop on Christmas Eve, when empty store shelves make for fewer hard decisions. Comments or criticisms about this column may be sent c/o this newspaper or directly to the Levison Group via email at comments@levisongroup.com.