Editorial

Front Page - Friday, December 10, 2010

I Swear...

Wordplay in sports section headlines

Vic Fleming

Here’s hoping that the title appropriately introduces the topic of this column.
And that the rest of the column will pretty much speak for itself.
“Tigers find pass to cut off Rebels.” Cut ‘em off at the pass. Get it?
“Hawaii visit no luau for UCA.” Luaus are fun. UCA got beat. Losing’s not fun.
“Davis carries on after fumbles.” David is a running back. A running back carries the football.
“Bulldogs can’t turn back Tide.” To “turn the tide” is to cause a reversal of circumstances. The Tide in the headline is the University of Alabama’s football team.
“Hokies handle Heels.” Alliteration abounds.
“Got name, has game.” Internal rhyme runs rampant.
“Proper gear makes pheasant hunt pleasant.” See above.
“Petrino zips lips on refs.” See above.
“East feast complete.” (You know.)
“Bogus BCS blocks Boise State.” Have I mentioned alliteration?
“White’s night capped by TD.” White knight, white cap.
“UA women want to rise, shine.” The story is not about this basketball team’s sleep habits.
“Ducks get flying after late start.” As in the Oregon State Ducks’ football team.
“No Suh: Lions fall by one.” Suh is the name of a football player who missed an extra point kick.
“Panthers pounce on errors.” Surely, no explanation is needed here.
“Sinking Vikings drop Childress.” Vikings traveled on boats, right? Boats sometime go under.
“Arkansas chimes in after cowbells hush.” These are Mississippi State’s cowbells, which sound nothing like chimes!
“Keese’s feet, feat get the job done.” The story is about a football player who ran for four touchdowns and established a significant yardage record in the same game.
“Arkansas craves Sugar after bowling over LSU.” Football, Sugar Bowl, get it? A related headline read, “Oh, so sweet” (no exclamation point).
“Mavs maintain mastery of Heat.”
“Spurrier superior in East once again.” That’s football coach Steve Spurrier, and (the) East designates his team’s conference division.
“Kentucky rebounds from loss.” Obviously, this was a story about basketball.
“How the West has won.” This story was about high school conference championships, and the headline is just one letter off from being the title of a famous movie.
The headlines above were from the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, but experience tells me that they could have been from any paper in the country.
Vic Fleming is a district court judge in Little Rock, Ark., where he also teaches at the William H. Bowen School of Law. Contact him at vicfleming@att.net.

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