Editorial
Front Page - Friday, November 20, 2009
The Critic's Corner
David Laprad
Sometimes, I wonder how certain movies were ever made. The week I wrote this column, that happened twice. As cost conscious as Hollywood is being during the economic downturn, I wondered who green lit the films I saw and why. Midway through one, I pictured an executive at his desk, his head in his hands, knowing there was a pink slip in his future for funding what turned out to be a multi-million dollar freak show.
Which movies did I see? Not the new version of “A Christmas Carol.” Everyone knows the story, and the 3D animation looks great, so I choose to review two films that were more up in the air. That way, if a movie was bad, I’d save the one or two people who actually take reviews to heart a few bucks.
If that’s you, and you were planning to see “The Box” and “The Men Who Stare At Goats,” allow me to be of service.
“The Box” does have an interesting premise. Based on a classic Richard Matheson short story, it centers on Norma and Arthur Lewis, a suburban couple that finds a wooden box on their doorstep. Later, a mysterious stranger tells Norma that if she or her husband presses the button on the top of the box, they’ll receive $1 million. The catch is, someone they don’t know will die. The timing should have seemed suspect, since Arthur just got passed over for astronaut training.
“The Box” would be dull if it were about Norma and Arthur arguing for two hours about pressing the button, so will you forgive me for revealing that Norma yields to temptation at the 24-minute mark?
Were I able to follow what happened for the rest of “The Box,” I’d explain it. Suffice to say director Richard Kelly, who made the cult classic “Donnie Darko,” goes off the deep end: townsfolk start acting like mindless zombies; there’s talk of aliens from Mars; a lot of people get nosebleeds; and there’s a shot of a blank-faced Santa Claus in the middle of a road ringing a bell.
In one inexplicable scene, Arthur sees three columns of water suspended in the middle of a room. A woman with blood streaming over her mouth tells him one leads to salvation, while the others lead to eternal damnation. When he makes his choice, he lands in his bed at home, soaking wet.
What did it all mean? On one hand, “The Box” seems to be about external forces trying to destroy the traditional nuclear family; on the other hand, I think the film might be more conventional than its weird tone would suggest. In the end, however, I believe “The Box” will appeal only to people who enjoy bizarre stories.
When it came to “Goats,” I should’ve listened to my wife. I thought it looked like an offbeat comedy about the U.S. training an army of psychic warriors; she thought its star, George Clooney, had lost his marbles. “I can’t watch movies like that. They’re stupid!” she said as she turned her eyes away from the trailer.
Clooney survives the movie unscathed, as do co-stars Ewan McGregor, Jeff Bridges and Kevin Spacey, but my wife was pretty much spot on with her other comments.
Where to begin? I suppose with a summary of the plot. McGregor stars as a reporter who sets out to lose himself in the romance of war after his marriage fails. He gets more than he bargained for, however, when he travels to the Middle East and meets a Special Forces agent who reveals the existence of a psychic military corps. Unfortunately, the founder of the unit has gone missing, with the trail leading to another psychic soldier who’s out to serve his own agenda.
“Goats” might sound like wacky fun, and there are some laughs along the way, but the plot wanders aimlessly in places and loses steam at the end. When the credits rolled, I was The Man Who Stares At The Movie Screen, realizing he’d wasted a perfectly good Saturday afternoon.
I was still in the theater, though. Several people walked out of both “The Box” and “Goats.” As I was exiting the theater after “The Box,” I overheard one enduring soul tell his companion, “You’ve got to be messed up in the head to come up with something like that.” Two elderly ladies who made it through “Goats” just looked at each other, shook their heads and agreed it was terrible.
Despite their reaction and mine, I believe every film has an audience. Maybe you’ve been waiting all year to see movies like these. If so, enjoy! Just don’t be surprised if you hear sobbing from the back row and turn to see a former movie executive with a lot of time on his hands.
E-mail David Laprad at dlaprad@yahoo.com.
|
|