It is the time of year when we in the United States celebrate Thanksgiving. It is a time when we’re supposed to count our blessings and recognize how good we have it and how lucky we are. It is also the beginning of the “Holidays.” For some people, the “Holidays” is the loneliest and most unhappy time of the year. Ironically, at what most consider the happiest time of the year, many suffer incredible sadness.
The source of the sadness for folks at this time of year is not singular. There are as many reasons for sadness as there are people who are sad. Some feel sad for lack of material possessions. Some labor under the stress of family relations and ghosts of the past. Some are brokenhearted and suffer simply because they are without a romantic relationship. Many have had the “holidays” ruined for them because of the loss of a loved one during the holidays.
I had a boss and a mentor to whom I attribute my survival through my high school and early college years. He was my boss, and he was my friend. He taught me lessons about life I will never forget. Most importantly, he stood beside me in times of trouble. He stood with me when others did not. He stood beside me at times when I did not deserve his friendship. He had a stroke and died one Christmas Day when I was in my early 20’s. Other than my father’s death many years later, it was the greatest loss I have ever experienced.
Because my boss was in the hospital in the days leading up to his death, I ended up being at home in Fayetteville by myself for Christmas. The loss was such that I really did not want to be with others. It was very hard. The thing I realized sitting alone in my house was that while my sorrow was merited, I could not waste my time here on Earth worrying about things I cannot change. I had to embrace life immediately and use the things I had to do the best that I could.
This resolution of embracing life was not as easy as it sounded at the time. There have been bad times since then, and I have experienced sadness and spent some time feeling sorry for myself since then. Even as I admit I have felt sorry for myself, I know the pity parties I threw for myself were a waste of my time. I have a great life and should run down the street like Ebenezer Scrooge every morning that I am lucky enough to wake up.
That being said, we’re all sad sometimes. The holidays make it easy. The trick is to focus on the positive and remember that as bad as things are, as long as you’re alive, things can improve. Life might not be everything you want it to be, but it’s nothing more than a game, and the time for playing is shorter with every passing hour.
The real trick to happiness is making others happy. If we focus on making others happy, it’s hard to be sad. Take care of yourself, but focus on the happiness of others. A wise attorney once told me the best way to get what I wanted was to get other people what they wanted. I think most people want to be happy, even if they don’t realize it.
Spend some time over the next six weeks making others happy. How can it hurt? True happiness is found within. It’s really nothing more than an attitude. Change your attitude, and you can change your world. Changing your world for the better is good for you and everyone around you. That is true for everyone – especially those of us in the CHEAP SEATS!
This article was originally published in the Hamilton County Herald on November 23, 2012.
Bill James is a co-founder of the James Law Firm with offices in Little Rock, Conway and Fayetteville, Arkansas. His primary area of practice is criminal defense. He can be contacted at Bill@JamesFirm.com