We were about to take our nightly neighborhood walk, which I thought I would have gotten out of after mowing the yard. Too much of anything, even exercise, can’t be good.
Used to, with my old, now deceased, John Deere, mowing the front and back took all of an hour and 15 minutes – and even longer in those later months when old JD died on me every few minutes. I took him into the shop, and Dave, the mower mechanic, called me soon after with condolences. “It helps to put oil in them,” Dave said.
Dave said he would bury JD for me and I began the task of mower shopping. I settled on a self-propelled Honda, as my yard has a pretty good slope and my legs aren’t as athletic as I remember them once being.
I took KM (Kathleen Marie) with me to HD (Home Depot) to assist in the buying process. Although I was somewhat wary of that decision, as KM is known to be a deliberate and painfully slow consumer (a trait she says has probably saved me millions, although I can’t seem to locate them).
The mower I wanted, the Honda HRX217VKA, was in a shelf next to its competition. Below the display were boxes of inventory. I wanted to make sure the assembly required would require little, or even better, none (see previous columns on toilets and bicycles). So I found a HD helper who opened the box, pulled out the mower and flipped back the handle – “Nothing to it,” he said through a grin.
So yesterday, while mowing the front and back in 23 minutes (“You time yourself?” KM asked), I saw my neighbor, former State Supreme Court Justice Ron Sheffield, drive by. I gave him a wave and quickly put my hand back on the Honda’s handle, as it's much faster than my previously mentioned legs and can easily get away. KM had told me a few days before that another neighbor told her that Judge Sheffield had bought a new mower on or about the same day I had bought mine. She also passed along the news that Judge Sheffield’s new mower had already been stolen!!!
I began to think that the judge had looked at me suspiciously as he slowly drove by.
I waited for KM to join me in the driveway for our nightly walk while listening for a far-away cry of sirens on their way to arrest me as the neighborhood mower bandit. I was sure I had my receipt, and while I’ve made my share of not so brilliant decisions over the years (see many previous columns), stealing a former State Supreme Court judge’s new mower is not on that list.
“The yard looks great, huh?” I fished for a compliment from WP (Walking Partner). “Just like a park,” came the perfect reply.
“You know Judge Sheffield is watching us, don’t you?” I said. She walked in front of me but I could feel the look of eyeballs rolling in WP’s head.
We passed Dennis’ house, the neighbor who had told her about the judge’s mower being stolen. He was out front with his black lab, Troy, and Troy’s son, Jag. Jag ran over to greet us while Troy sat stoically at his master’s side, as if sensing the hint of mallards above in the cooler temps. Dennis said hi, and we waved and moved on.
“Did he look at me funny?” I asked WP. “Do you think the judge said something to him?”
WPKM kept walking in front of me, but there was definitely some eye-rolling going on up there.
To be continued...