How do you handle your anger? Bottle it up? Explode like a ticking time bomb?
Heavy traffic, bad drivers, unsolicited phone calls, tight schedules, automated phone menus, crowds – on a typical day, it seems to pile up! Even if you never step out of your home, you’re exposed!
The other day, I bought a new cell phone. I needed to add a line to our family plan, port the new number over to my old phone, and have my current number ported to my new phone. The clerk at the store assured me this could be done without any problem. Well, there wasn’t anything to it – once I got the right person on the phone. However, I went through six operators before finding a competent one. One, who seemed promising, accidentally cut me off (after I had punched menus, listened to loud and annoying music, and explained my goal to her), and one argued with me that this absolutely could not be done! I politely told her I was hanging up and was hoping to get someone else when I called back. It was a circus! Thankfully, I did get someone else, and she was the one that performed the whole process with the “greatest of ease!” But talk about getting your blood pressure up! I almost grabbed one of my hubby’s pills!
Anger is a natural human emotion to ward off an attacker or threat to our well-being. The problem is not anger, but rather, mismanagement of the anger. Mismanaged anger and rage is the major cause of conflict in our personal and professional relationships. You also put yourself at increased risk for heart disease and depression.
Anger management reduces both the emotional and physiological feelings anger causes. We can’t get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that infuriate us, nor can we change them, but we can learn to control our reactions.
Keeping anger at ease
Learning to put our anger at ease will go a long way toward helping to eliminate stress in our life. Here’s what some experts recommend when trying to deal with an anger issue:
Relaxation:
Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings.
Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won’t relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your “gut.” Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as “Relax,” or “Take it easy.” Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply. Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience from your past.
Angry people tend to curse or swear to express their thoughts, and others use words like “never” or “always.” “He will never complete this @$*! contract,” or “You always say that.” These emotions are not just inaccurate, they also make you feel that your anger is justified and that there’s no way to solve the problem. Remind yourself that ranting and cursing and being angry is not going to fix the problem – nor will it make you feel better.
Logic defeats anger because even when anger is justified, it can become foolish. So use logic in your thinking. Realize that the world is “not out to get you,” you’re just experiencing some of the rough spots.
Problem solving
If you are having a particular ongoing problem, figure a plan to reduce the quick, emotional response it always invokes. If you make a serious attempt to address the situation, you’ll be more likely to lose the anger.
Communication
Figure out what the underlying problem of a situation might be. For instance, if you like a certain amount of freedom but your loved one wants more togetherness, don’t retaliate by calling them a warden, or being too possessive. Instead, listen to what the underlying cause might be. It could be they feel neglected or unneeded.
Humor
Laughter is the best medicine and, in all honesty, it helps defuse rage quickly in a number of ways. When you get angry and call someone a name or some imaginative expression, stop and picture what he or she would literally look like. If you think of someone as a “dirtbag,” then picture a large bag full of dirt talking on the phone. Laughing in the face of anger is a refusal to take the situation too seriously.
Environment
Sometimes our surroundings cause the irritation. If you and your loved one tend to argue in the evening when discussing important matters, try changing the times when you talk; a time when you aren’t quite as tired from a stressful day at work.
If your daily commute to work leaves you in a frenzied state of frustration, learn an alternate route – one less congested or more scenic. If that’s not possible, realize you have to face this drive every morning, and change your ideas about it.